Externally trapped. internally rich.

It’s a strange thing chasing art. I feel as much constrained as I do free. Externally I’m trapped but internally I feel rich. I made the decision to earn enough to survive but not enough to live. I can’t partake in the luxuries that exist outside but I can partake in the simple things like a walk in nature. Sacrificing money for time allows me to think. It gives me time to explore my mind and to tap into the world of ideas on a personal level. It’s liberating. 

I currently (as of writing this), work as a chef. I work 12-13 hour shifts, three - three and a half days a week. I work every weekend. It’s busy and chaotic. It’s stressful and physically demanding. But then it all goes quiet again. On my days off, everything is still. Silent. I go from chasing time to now flowing with it. Suddenly the sacrifice feels worth it at the brink of wanting to quit. 

I decided to create a self portrait series that represents this current moment in time for me. Feeling the effects of a decision which was once a thought, now deep in the making. Persevering the limits of finance and that of a creative mind. Chasing boredom to the point of excitement. Just me, my pen, and a notebook.

I’m not too sure how long I’ll do this for, but for now it feels the right thing to do. Like what Marcus Aurelius said “What stands in the way becomes the way.”